Thursday, November 23, 2006
My Hero
Krzysztof is my hero. He has a charmingly inept way with words. The power to halt a conversation dead in its tracks is an ability I've been honing for the past 15 years, and it's something I've become rather good at, if I do say so myself.
SETTING: My cubicle
TIME: Friday, November 17th; 2:47 PM
DENISE (a mid-level manager): Hi George! This is Mark. He served in Afghanistan with the troops that our packages went to.
I stand up from my desk to face Mark. We shake hands.
MARK: Hello. Nice to meet you.
ME: (quickly) Hello. Nice to meet you.
Long, expectant pause. I attempt a smile but it looks like a grimace.
DENISE: Umm, George is really technical and a whiz with computers. Whenever there's a problem we go to him first.
I give a feeble smile in acknowledgement. Denise shifts her weight.
Another long, awkward pause.
Denise starts walking away.
DENISE: OK! Well, over here is my office...
MARK: It was nice meeting you...
Mark walks away.
ME: Yeah. Me too.
I sit back down.
SETTING: Shared cubicle space with Claire
TIME: Thursday, November 23rd; 3:57 PM
Winston, a senior executive, walks by our office space.
CLAIRE: Hey Winston. I saw you at Indigo during lunch.
Winston stops.
WINSTON: [joking tone] You didn't say hi?
CLAIRE: [smiles] You looked preoccupied. I didn't want to bother you.
WINSTON: I've been daydreaming all day. It would have pulled me out. [pause] Did you get something?
CLAIRE: I usually don't buy books from Indigo. I'll browse and then buy from BMV or a used bookstore.
WINSTON: Yeah, I seldom go to Indigo. Usually I order from Barnes & Nobles or Amazon, 4 or 5 at once. It costs the same and it's less trouble. Do you read a lot?
CLAIRE: I try to. How about you?
WINSTON: Yeah, I'm a big reader. We have T.V.s all over our house, but I hardly watch any. My brothers and sisters are the same way. I guess it's the way our father brought us up. He had shelves and shelves of books. [matter-of-factly] I read four papers a day.
ME: [enthusiastic] Hey, that's good!
Silence fills the air.
WINSTON:... Yeah.
Winston walks away.
Half an hour later, Winston's resignation was announced to our floor.
Soon I'll be able to make people physically ill with my powers of Awkwardness.
George "Just-Call-Me-Brick" Tamland
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8 comments:
Haha, I swear you need your own reality tv show. Awkward George moments are to be savoured. Treasures to be relived and laughed at again and again. Haha ooh we are laughing!
Do you create these awkward moments on purpose, or are people just afraid of you?
You are the strange China Man who is good at computers and listens to old American music.
I'm a little afraid of you too...
sorry about that comment deleted thingy. that was me.
Each awkward moment is a lovingly handcrafted, one-of-a-kind work of art!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a falafel hotdog, with cinnamon and bacon on top, awaiting my presence.
I can't stop watching Krzysztof, I want him to be the mayor of Hamilton.
I have a sneaking suspicion that a subliminal message is woven into his sweater. Wherever his enormous charisma comes from, I would caution against electing him mayor of Hamiltonia. He seems a tad overzealous about eliminating cigarettes, alcohol and, well, EVERYTHING.
On the other hand, his border idea has some merit, and he does have a very deserving dad.
Ahaha, you're right about George, that's for sure!
I love "Krzy"-sztof's sweater, he's a great find. I actually left off commenting for a few days so as to have something funny to say, but alas I am unarmed. My silver tongue spews jokes no more, only spins webs of lies.
Harmful lies are funny.
What the FUDGE?!! Where are all the goddamned updates? Who shit in the kitchen?!
I'll shit in any goddamned kitchen if it pleases me! And it does!
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