Jazz Hands!

This video is the reason that Youtube was invented:

Those Wacky Japonee

Turbo Boost!

Today I played hooky and called in sick. Last night, I felt angry and indignant at the cold weather, and I suspect this was a subconscious factor in my decision to stay home. To avoid completely wasting the day away, I woke up at noon and decided to pick up a package from the local post office, which is a 45 minute walk away from the house and a 5 minute drive. I settled on driving, which was a mistake for two reasons:

a) I have no insurance;
b) The car battery hasn't been keeping a charge.

To get the car started, I had to hook up the booster cables to the generator in the garage: No problem. Getting to the post office: No problem. Getting the package: No problem. Restarting the car: Problem. Finding somebody willing to help: PROBLEM.

"Uh, hello."
Person quickens pace.
"I was wondering if you had a couple of minutes to help me out."

In the post-game analysis, this was probably the crucial error. In Toronto, "Hello" already puts people on their guard. Following up with, "I was wondering if you had a couple of minutes..." sets alarm bells ringing, as this phrase, uttered in a parking lot, tends to be most associated with rabid evangelicals and Amway shills. "RUN AWAY!" I certainly would.

"My car battery is dead and I was wondering if you could help me with a boost."

In my selection of candidates, I chose people getting into their cars in my near vicinity. So I didn't discriminate in my selection, but I noticed I was predicting outcomes based on stereotypes. All of the candidates happened to be male. For a fun time, and to determine whether you're a racist like me, try matching the answer to the ethnicity:

a) "Sorry, I can't help you. My starter is having problems. If I boosted your car... Sorry."
b) "Sorry. I'm in a rush. I have to get my daughter to school."
c) Ignores me like I don't exist when I ask if he has a couple of minutes. Once it becomes clear that I'm asking for a car boost, utters something indecipherable and rude.
d) "I don't trouble myself with those things." (I like this one. It's like the fortune cookie of refusals)
e) "Sure, no problem."

Ethnicities (in no particular order):
Black
Filipino
Chinese
Indian
Sri Lankan

The person who responds with the most correct answers will receive a prize.