Grocery Line Etiquette

In the grocery line today, I was waiting behind an older lady who didn't have her Airmiles card with her but wanted to collect her points. Sounding tentative and uncertain, she recited her Airmiles card number several times but the system didn't accept it until the 4th or 5th try. Other customers, seeing that an old lady was at the head of the queue, abandoned the line and moved to other cashiers. At any rate, I wasn't bothered by the wait; my attention was more focussed on Heather Graham's abs on Shape magazine's cover than Old Lady's puttering. Eventually I had a peripheral sense that her transaction was nearing completion so I moved up to the cashier. But Old Lady was entering her PIN and she perceived my imposing presence as a threat. Eyeing me suspiciously, she shielded the keypad with her entire body, hunched over Gollum-like. She gave me several furtive glances and eventually I felt compelled to reassure her:

"I'm NOT looking at your PIN!"
"Well, you're standing awfully close!"

I think she must have been genuinely afraid that I was going to mug her in the parking lot, because she took off in such a hurry. When I got home, I discovered an extra bag of groceries amongst mine. It was a bag of boneless chicken thighs and ribs that Old Lady had left behind in her haste to escape, possibly as an offering of appeasement, ravenous Roid Freak that I am.

Montage Madness

I love montages.
I love the 80's.
I love 80's montages.

Addendum:
I spent this past weekend watching 80's movies, 80's montages, and putting together a Pump-Up list for my exercise classes. Inspired by Team America's montage song, I've assembled the following playlist of montage music (all from the 80's with the exception of Montage).

Ultimate 80's Montage Megacheese
1) Montage - Team America: World Police
2) Danger Zone - Top Gun
3) The Touch - Transformers: The Movie
4) Gonna Fly Now - Rocky
5) Hearts on Fire - Rocky IV - DRAGOOOOOOOOOH!!!!
6) You're The Best - The Karate Kid
7) Winner Takes It All - Over The Top
8) Fight To Survive - Bloodsport
9) Maniac - Flashdance
10) I Need A Hero - Footloose
11) Eye of the Tiger - Rocky III
12) Push it to the Limit - Scarface

They just don't make 'em like they used to.

How Real Men Fight!

I've been researching different fighting techniques. I had my heart set on learning sambo, but there's only one school in Toronto and it's in the west end. I might try kickboxing at Toronto Kickboxing Muay Thai Academy, as it's a really strenuous sport, and should help me rediscover what it's like to vomit. I failed to vomit during this week's workouts and I'm disappointed, nay, crestfallen about that. Right now I'm considering demanding a refund. At this very second...

Brick Tamland: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.

Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

The Golden Mean

The researchers at faceresearch.org have arrived at the conclusion that average is beautiful. The face at left was created by averaging the features of 15 attractive female faces (as judged by the participants in a research study), and it was judged more attractive than any of the 15.

All well and good, but what I really want to know is if anybody can create an uglier average than my creation below? As you'll discover, creating a pretty face is easy, but achieving ugliness is quite challenging. There's a lesson to be learned here. Think about it.




ADDED:




As it actually turns out, although averaged composites are generally more attractive than the individuals they are comprised from, averageness and attractiveness are not equivalent. Perret et al performed an experiment where a composite was created from photos of 60 women (the first image), and a second composite was assembled from a subset of the 15 women that were judged the most attractive within those 60 (the second image). Participants in the study consistently ranked the second image more attractive than the first. Taking the exercise a step further, Perrett et al exaggerated the differences between the attractive composite and the normal composite to create a third image, which participants ranked most attractive of all (termed hyper-attractive). However, as the hyper-attractive image is the least average of the faces, it follows that averageness and attractiveness are not equivalent.

Faceresearch.org contains a number of facinating articles that are well worth reading (e.g. how feminine features can enhance the attractiveness of the male face, how gaze direction affects attractiveness, etc). You can log in with a guest account by clicking on Register, continuing through the consent screen, and selecting log in as guest.

Every office has a guy like this, unfortunately

There is a tub of Gummybears on Oscar's ledge. Dwight walks into the scene, pulls the lid off of the container, and places several Gummybears in his mouth. While chewing the Gummybears, Dwight notices a sign taped to the ledge.

Cut to close-up shot of the sign. It reads: Support me in the CN Tower Climb for WWF Canada.

Dwight: QUESTION. Will you provide a receipt for donations?
Oscar: Tax deductible receipts are provided for donations of $20 or greater.
Dwight: QUESTION. What is the WWF?
Oscar: World Wrestling Federation. Your donations will help feed malnourished wrestlers like Trish Stratus and The Undertaker...
Oscar: It's the World Wildlife Fund.
Dwight: The sign says WWF Canada.
Oscar: ...
Dwight: QUESTION. What is the Canada portion?
Oscar: Well, the World Wildlife Fund is a global organization, and WWF Canada is the Canadian branch. It deals with regional concerns.
Dwight: UNSATISFACTORY. If you can give me more information I might be convinced to donate.
Oscar: ...

Dwight crams more Gummybears into his mouth and walks off.